A year of virtues

I have decided that is it time to make a change. A small but important one. Each year I always make new years resolutions, however they usually don't last long because I make too many and most of them aren't very possible. But now I have a new plan. I decided that for each month of 2009 I want to make a small change-- a different one every month. For example, one month be more honest, or forgiving, or humble, or patient etc. I think that if I only focus on one for each month, such focus will really allow me to make actual, positive changes. This much I had decided about a week ago. When I had my "crisis" and decided that I need religion, this idea only became better.

So I started looking up Buddhism online, because I think I agree with a lot of the ideas associated with Buddhism. And what I found out is that part of Buddhism are the Ten Perfections which are: generosity, morality, renunciation, wisdom, energy, patience, truthfulness, resolute determination, loving kindness and equanimity. I think if I add on two of my own ideas a year living this way could really shape me into a better person. So I'm off to do some more research and figure out exactly what these would mean for me. Then I think I will pick one randomly for each month and set out to make a positive, conscience change in myself.

Happy (almost) New Years! 

Looking

A few nights ago I had a "mid-life" crisis. Of course it was probably more like "oh-god-I'm-a-senior-I-have-tons-of-work-to-do-and-my-life-is-so-disorganized" crisis. I realized it around midnight. My room was (and still is) a total disaster.  I have not started my twenty page thesis because at the last minute (actually way after the last minute) I changed my thesis topic. And got an extension. But then I couldn't go to the PSU library because of the snow. And now its winter break. So I realized I have that to do. And lots of government and math homework. And did I mention my room is a disaster? So I was contemplating of all this at midnight and I decided I needed to clean my room. So I started to but then my mom yelled at me because she was asleep and I was being very loud. So I lit some incense (it is very calming, plus I can't light it during normal hours because mama is allergic..) and some candles, put on some calming music and made an important phone call to my friend Alex. Alex is great because unlike my girl friends, Alex goes to sleep way late. And so do I. So when I decided that I was having this crisis I knew Alex would be there to answer the phone and help me through this. And he did. And while I was on the phone, at midnight, with Alex, I realized exactly what my life is missing; the ultimate organization: religion.

I crave structure. I need organization. But I am tired of all the hypocrisy and drama of Christianity. Even though I have been raised Christian (Presbyterian), and I have seen so many good things come out of it, I do not think Christianity is for me. I don't believe in it, and thats that. I am a three-year self-proclaimed agnostic. But now, instead of being what my family classifies as an "existentialist", I've decided to give religion another try. I really think it is just what is missing in my life. But I need something that is more me, I guess. Christianity is just too big of a deal, too hypocritical and too judged. I'm looking for something more spiritual and guiding, I guess.

So here I am, with no idea where to start. And I'm okay with that.

Halloween- NOT a treat

...What a cute holiday. Young kids dress up as cartoon characters, princesses, witches etc. and go around the neighborhood trick-or-treating.
UNTIL
They turn 15/16/17/18. I am surprised at how many girls from my school dressed up like prostitutes this year. If you are old and have no kids, or if you are younger with young kids you may not know what I'm talking about. However for anyone at Grant H.S. or really any public H.S. that I know of- this is a reality.
I'm not sure what many people were thinking. Lingerie and bunny ears does NOT equal a costume. Seriously there were A LOT of people wearing only underwear! And personally, I think wearing a men's t-shirt and lacy thigh-highs and poofed up hair, and calling yourself a "morning after girl" is trashy both in theory and in execution. How is dressing up like "you just got up after the morning of a one night stand" appropriate in ANY way, shape or form? Its not.
Then you have the other people that just take normal costumes and make them slutty.
I don't think I know of very many girls who wore pants.
But I only know people dressed like this because they put the pictures on facebook.

OKAY. Where's the logic? Dress up innapropriately + put the pictures online for the whole world to see= get guys? No. Lose respect. I lost respect for almost ever person I saw dressed like that.

I'm not trying to sound all preachy or holier-than-thou but seriously, whats up with this? I do not know how anyones parents let their kids out of the house looking like that. I wore my mom's lederhosen she had made in Germany 30 years ago and a long sleeved shirt and went to help at my friend's halloween haunted porch. Alice dressed up as Sigmund Freud (complete with painted on glasses and beard) and did trick-or-vote, reminding people to turn in their ballots.

I'm just fed up with this. Most of it was just gross.

Almost June?

Okay. Its September 30th. And I know I must be out of my mind to ask but, IS IT JUNE YET? The leaves haven't even turned, we're still having days of 85 degree weather, the back-to-school sickness has just hit, and its not even October 1st and all I care is to ask, IS IT JUNE YET? I am still burnt out from Junior year. Man AP Biology kicked my butt. (I'll refrain from profanity incase anyone sans my peers reads this) Last year was tough. And this year is tough already. First Pre-Calculus test of the year (said to be the easiest of the year), twelve questions long, I was pretty sure I got a B. C+ at worst. Instead, I got a 64%. It was worth a hundred points!! What the heck?!

PSU Spanish is mas o menos. Day to day we do the norm.. aka reviewing verbs, vocabulary etc. Its painfully easy. Yet on SOME days we do extremely hard things. Like reading a fiction story from a magazine that was chock full of metaphors that noone could understand. Plus it was about a girl who was stuck in the mud after a volcano and she couldn't get out of the mud because her dead siblings were holding on to her legs? It was in Spanish... for all I know it could have been about a barbie and a beanie baby. But oh well.

AP Government with Mr. Gavitte is, of COURSE, kicking my butt. Whatever. We have to read a chapter (50 pages) of a book a week and take notes. And read another 30 pages of text book. And write a three page essay. Then watch a film in class and write a one page essay. EVERY WEEK. We also need to do 30 current events this semester. What is this class? It is killing me!

I am pleasantly surprised with how well Royal Blues is going this year. Sans a few sketchy people who don't SHOW UP or are late every day, its going really well. The new director is really cool too.

Lunches are full. I have Executive Council meetings every Mon and Thurs. Some Friday's I have Thespian Board meetings and most other days I spend going to math lab, talking to teachers, trying to get college rec. letters or whatever else. And when I can go out with my friends it is great.

One of the best decisions I have made this year is dropping French 1-2 5th period and taking some time for myself. I should be in the library everyday doing History Independent Study, and I do go a lot, but really, having a free period to stare at the wall in the middle of the day, or go hang out in Ms. Todd's room (my theater teacher) is so relaxing and a perfect break in my day.

So sixth I have PSU English with Dr. Dreyer. He's amazing- of course. He has a PhD for god's sake. He helped write the South African Constitution. And on block days he gives us tea at half-time. What a man. But his class is kinna boring and we have so much homework. Oh well the work is rewarding.. I think..

Senior Theater... How can I explain? Its a class you take not because you want to get better at theater but because you want to be better at life. Is that totally cheesy? I truly think its the only class I take that prepares me for the real world. Ms. Todd is brilliant and inspiring and I don't think I would have made it this far, with my sanity, without her.

So there you have it. 3.5 weeks into the year and I'm ready to graduate. Or just stop doing homework. I'm not sure which, although I suppose if I stop doing homework I won't be able TO graduate. On that note, I have some math I'd better be getting to.

My Father

Let me preface this with: I love my father. 

And even though he plays owl calls on repeat on his computer really loudly until late at night, I love my father. And even though he bought a fake owl, glued bird feathers on it, put it on a giant rod and stuck it in our garden to lure in owls (duh) I love my father.

Today I came home from school and my mom informed me that "Greg caught a squirrel". This is not an odd statement (well it is but just not abnormal around here). Sometimes my dad likes to catch squirrels in a cage and take them and set them free somewhere else (Sauvie's Island anyone?) He justifies this by of course stating that they were not native to our neighborhood. So should I lock my dad up in a cage and ship him to Wisconsin? Or rather, part of him to Germany, part to Sweden, part to Scotland and whereever else our ancestors came from? To date I have saved 2 or 3 squirrels from this weird trap-y thing. I do not agree at all with what he is doing. I'm going to go get a few sticks and create a way for that squirrel to escape (hopefully without injuring me in the process). And although this is bizzare, its not unexpected. Its weird but its not rare. I love my dad.